GundamWings 12 days of Christmas
by StarLite Wind
Summary: Remember that annoying song 12 days of Christmas? Well here it is with a twist! the Gundam way! R/R please1 You don't have to.


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Anime » Gundam Wing/AC » **GundamWings 12 days of Christmas**

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Author: StarLite Wind

G - English - Humor/Humor - Reviews: 4 - Publish date: 04-14-02 - Updated: 04-14-02 

story id: 721638

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Gundam Wing. I kinda took this story and re-worded it. Everyone is 17 years old in this story with the exception of Trowa, Noin, Zechs, Trieze, Lady Une, Howard and Paegan. I hope you enjoy this story.

**Gundam Wing Presents….**

**12 days of Christmas**

**Staring….**

**Heero Yuy as the man of the house**

**Relena Dorlian/Yuy as the ditzy house wife**

**Hilde Shicbecker/Maxwell as the cheerful friend guest visiting the Yuy's**

**Trowa Barton as the sarcastic mail carrier**

**Zechs Marquise as the smart-ass brother-in-law**

**Sally Po & Lucrezia Noin as two of the Ten Ladies Dancing **

**Howard as one of the Nine Pipers Piping**

**Dorthy as the pissed off neighbor**

**Quatre Raberba Winner as one of the crazy Eleven Lords a Leaping**

**Trieze Khusrenada as the man from Glittering rings incorporated**

**Lady Une as one of the Eight Maids A milking**

**Duo Maxwell as the good hearted but lame boyfriend**

**Paegan as one of the Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling**

**And introducing Wufei Chang as the Great Narrator**

On with the story!

Wufei: We are at the peaceful home of the Yuy's where the brother and friend of Relena Dorlian are visiting for the holidays. (Pause) *Cough* On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree….

Trowa: Special delivery for Hilde Maxwell

Relena: Oh look Heero! A pigeon!

Trowa: I believe it's a partridge ma'am

Relena: And in a bush! Isn't that just delightful?

Trowa: It's a pear tree lady

Heero: I don't see any pears

Trowa: Hey what do you expect? It Happens to be December

Hilde: (coming to the door) Oh what a be-yoo-tiful dove!

Trowa: Partridge! PARTRIDGE!

Heero: What's the difference?

Trowa: I'm a mail carrier, not a bird watcher. Sign here, please.

Hilde: (Reading the card) "Love and kisses, Duo." Isn't he just the sweetest thing?

Heero: So where are we going to put the bird?

Relena: I think it would make a wonderful center piece

Heero: In the center of what?

Zechs: A forest of pear trees?

Wufei: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two turtle doves

Trowa: Special D for the young lady!

Heero: Not more birds!

Trowa: They're turtle doves

Relena: They do look a little green around the beaks

Heero: Well at least this time he sent a cage. My breakfast this morning had more partridge feathers than corn flakes

Hilde; Duo really shouldn't have-

Heero: Why don't you tell him that?!

Wufei: On the third day of Christmas…

Zechs: (opening the door) You again?

Trowa: Give me a hand with these three French hens, will ya man.

Heero: What's in those other cages?

Trowa: Tomorrow's Sunday and there is no delivery, so I hope you don't mind my doubling up on goodies. Here are your-

1st calling bird: Yoo-Hoo!

2nd calling bird: Hey-ey-ey!

3rd calling bird: Hall-ooo there!

Trowa: Four calling birds

4th calling bird: Somebody call me?

Heero: I need an aspirin

Trowa: See you Monday!

Wufei: On the Mon- I mean, the fifth day of Christmas….

Relena: Did you hear a knock at the door?

Heero: Are you kidding? Between the calling birds, the clucking hens and the cooing doves, I couldn't hear a 21-gun salute! (Opens the door) Yeah, what do you want?!

Trieze: I have a gift for a Miss-

Heero: I'm sorry! Hilde Maxwell has gone to the North Pole for the holidays.

Trieze: But I'm from Glittering Rings Inc.

Heero: (Looking around worried) No birds, you promise?

Trieze: Now what would I be doing with a bird?

Zechs: I don't know, but if you can think of a reason, we can sell you a couple of calling birds, CHEAP! They're great little alarm clocks at four in the morning

Trieze: (Raising a brow) I've come to fit these five golden rings on Miss-

Relena: Did you say golden?

Trieze: (Smiling) Eighteen karats each

Hilde: Let me have them! Look Relena! One for each finger!

Zechs: Does this mean your engaged to that idiot Duo?

Heero: Don't be ridiculous! She's under age

Relena: It's only a gift. I'm sure Duo is just trying to be romantic

Zechs: He's trying a little too hard if you ask me

Heero: That's right. Maybe tomorrow we'll get six diamond necklaces.

Wufei: But alas, it was not to be. On the sixth day of-

Heero: WAIT! Spare me the stress. Skip over the geese.

Wufei: (Shrugs) Sounds good. On the seventh day of Christmas comes seven swans a swimming….

Trowa: ( Banging on the door) I know your in there Yuy! Believe me, this isn't any easier for me than you!

Hilde: (looking out the window) Oh look Relena! They're gorgeous!

Heero: Hilde, get away from that window!

Relena: Too late. He saw her!  
(Hilde opens the door)

Trowa: (Entering the house) All right. Where do you want them?

Relena: ( sighing) Upstairs in the bath tub I suppose. But watch your step

Trowa: (walking up stairs steps on something squishy) YUCK! What was that?

Heero: Just an egg laid by one of those six geese a laying you dropped off the other day. They're every where.

Zechs: Not to mention their sh-

Trowa: It better not have been that!

Heero: Don't feel bad. Here, have a pear. It's fresh.

Wufei: On the eighth day of Christmas, the postman doesn't show up….

Heero: (Smiling and sits on a chair) Well, it looks like Duo has finally ran out of dumb ideas

Zechs: Or money

Relena: Zechs, don't you think it's about time you took a bath?

Zechs: Gee Relena, I'd really love too, but those seven swans a swimming won't make room in the tub. Damn swimming bastards

Cow: MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: Did someone just say or do something very loud?

Relena: It certainly wasn't me!

Zechs: It sounded like a-

(There's a knock at the door)

Hilde: (Opening the door) Yes? May I help you?

Lady Une: I'm one of the eight maids-a-milking. Where would you like us to set up the cows?

Heero: THE WHAT?!

Relena: Heero, dear, I think you better lie down for a minute. (turns to Lady Une) I'm afraid you've come to the wrong house. We're not big milk drinkers and-

Lady Une: Look missy, I'm here to milk. Not discuss your calcium intake. The back yard looks good for grazing.

Heero: (Weakly from the floor) Did she just say grazing?

Lady Une: Cows got to eat too, mister. Come on girls! Let's get to work

Hilde: (ecstatic) Oh Duo, I knew you still loved me!

Relena: (Putting a cold rag on Heero's head) With lovers like these who needs enemies?

Zechs: At least we know what to say if anyone asks, Got milk?

Lady Une: You don't have an extra pail lying around, do you?

Wufei: (Reading his script over) Wow, that sucks (looks up)- I mean- On the ninth day of Christmas, the pear tree drops it's leaves, two swans get their beaks stuck in the bath tub drain, one of the maids gets frost bite, and a dude with a long beard and dark sun glasses walks through the front door….

Howard: I would've knocked, man but like, somebody took your door off

Heero: We did. It keeps the air circulating. Take a few sniffs and you'll understand.

Howard: PHEW! I smell what you mean. Nice stable you got here. Anyways, we came about the pipes.

Relena: But I didn't call a plumber

Howard: No lady, like we brought our own. Eight pipers piping at your service

Hilde: Gee, only eight?

Howard: Uh, yeah, Peter, man, he couldn't make it. He bummed out on too many pickled peppers last night. Can't pipe a note.

Heero: (holding his head and whispering) This isn't happening to me….

Howard: Anyone want to hear "Jingle Bells Boogie"?

Wufei; (Drinking hot cocoa) On the tenth day of Christmas Mr. And Mrs. Yuy are awakened from a sound sleep by the telephone….

Heero: ( yawning and answering the telephone) Hilde Maxwell is no longer here. You can forward all packages, gifts and or livestock to-

Dorthy: Cut the crap Yuy. This is your next door neighbor. Now you listen here, I put up with the loud calling birds, cooing doves and mooing cow but if you don't stop the party that I wasn't invited to in five minutes, I'm calling the cops!

Heero: (Confused) Party? What party?

Dorthy: Oh, I suppose you know nothing about those slutty women dancing on your front lawn to those loud and freaky bagpipes!

Heero: You wouldn't by any chance noticed how many there were, would you?

Dorthy: (slamming down the phone) TEN!

Heero: I KNEW IT! The mad gift giver has struck again!

Wufei: Five minutes later on the Yuy's front lawn….

Heero: Ok, that's it! The party's over! Now get off my lawn!

Sally: With all these cows trotting around, that'll be my pleasure!

Noin: Hey kid, don't you have anything better to hustle down to other than this lousy pipe music?

Howard: HEY!

Zechs: ( to Noin) Wanna go to my room and listen to something more, relaxing?

Heero, Relena & Hilde: ZECHS!

Hilde: Well, the least we can do is invite you girls-uh, ladies, in for some refreshments.

Sally: Sounds great. What do you have? It better be something good.

Relena: How about a nice cold glass of milk?

Sally and Noin: YUUUUUUUUUCK!!

Cow: MOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: HELP!

Wufei: On the….huh….what day is it? I've lost count.

Hilde: Eleventh, I think.

Wufei: Oh yeah *cough* On the eleventh day of Christmas the pathetic and desperate Yuy's and their guests are sneaking out to their car to flee to a motel when….

Hilde: (Startled) What was that , that just went over the car?

Zechs: A UFO?

Quatre: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Heero: Who are you? Peter Pan?

Quatre: (Bowing) One lord-a-leaping at you service.

Relena: Awfully jumpy aren't you?

Quatre: That's my job. Hey guys! Over here! I've found the house!

Zechs: Whoa! Look at them all!

Relena: I'm surprised they haven't slipped on the ice yet.

Hilde: What are you guys? Human pogo sticks?

Quatre: I beg your pardon!

Relena: (Shaking Heero's shoulder) Heero, are you alright?

Heero: (in a strange calm voice) Glad to meet you, Lord-a-leaping. I'm Heero-a-going.

Quatre: (Smiling) A-going where?

Heero: A-going-CRAZY!

Quatre: Maybe we should take a flying lap out of here.

Heero: Don't be silly. Go inside! Make yourself at home! Take a bath to the sound of piped music but watch out for the swans. The fridge is bursting with milk and eggs; and if your really hungry, you can stick a French hen in the oven but you'll have to pluck it yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to be fitted for a straitjacket. (singing as he skips away) Three French hens, to turtle doves and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeee!

Relena: Oh dear! What should we do?

Zechs: I always knew he would go crazy. I just never knew it would be so damn funny! (Laughs)

Relena: Zechs! (smacks him)

Hilde: Do you think he'll come back?

Zechs: (rubbing his head) Sure he'll come back. Once the loony bin says he's sane again.

Lady Une: Poor wacky kid. He's lost it

Noin: Just doesn't know how to receive gracefully

Quatre: Yeah, he has my pity. How about a little leap around the place to cheer us up?

Noin: You lead, I'll follow

Wufei: On the twelfth day of Christmas, Relena, Zechs and Hilde visit Heero in the hospital. And once they return home….

Howard: Mrs. Yuy, we were guaranteed an exclusive contract under the musicians union to provide holiday entertainment in this household.

Relena: What's the matter Howard? Are the geese at it again?

Howard: No, it's these twelve fiddlers that just arrived

Zechs: Look up there, a bunch of guys are on top of the house!

Hilde: What do you people think you are doing up there?!

Paegan: Hey Lady, haven't you ever heard of Fiddler on the Roof?

Zechs: Geez man! That was terrible!

Paegan: You think that's bad, wait until you hear us play. Ok boys, a-one-and-a-two-and-a-

Wufei: Just then, who should come strolling up the front steps but the idiot-

Hilde; DUO!

Duo: Hiya baby! I bet your head is still reeling from all the goodies I sent over, huh?

Hilde: That isn't the right word for it

Duo: Hi Relena. I bet you've never had a Christmas like this before.

Relena: (Lifting a pail of milk) No Duo, I haven't.

Duo: Hey, where is Heero?

Zechs: (Picking up a fiddle) Oh, he's in the hospital. Recuperating.

Duo: Really? Nothing serious I hope.

Hilde: (Grabbing a bagpipe) Just a slight nervous breakdown. The doctor said he should be back on his feet by Valentines Day.

Zechs: April 23 at the most

Duo: Gee that's too bad. Anything I can do?

Relena: (Getting closer to Duo) Oh, you've done quite enough already, Duo

Zechs: So we'd like to thank you our own very special way

Duo: Aw, you don't have to do that

Hilde: Oh, why yes we DO darling

Duo: But it was really nothing

Relena: (Dumping pail of milk over Duo's head) HAPPY….

Zechs: (Bopping Duo on the head with the fiddle) NEW….

Hilde: (Whacking Duo with a bagpipe) YEAR!

Relena, Zechs, & Hilde: AND MANY HAPPY RETURNS!!

Wufei: Wife, brother and friend stomp back into the house leaving a dazed Duo on the stoop….

Duo: Just for that, next year, I'm not even sending a card!

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